


Breaking It Down

by VioletThePorama



Series: Myriad [8]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: i decided casey is here now, raph angst, technically mikey angst too, the one guy i stan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-07-12 02:35:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15985802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletThePorama/pseuds/VioletThePorama
Summary: People made mistakes all the time. Raph was fine with that. They were annoying, sure, but everybody dealt with it.So why did it feel so different when he made one?





	1. Sticks and Stones

Raph sat at the kitchen table, pouring over some papers for school. His teacher had mentioned using natural light when working because it was supposed to help, or something. Currently however, the open blinds were doing fuck all for his ability to complete the papers. 

Then Mikey ran up, delighted, Raph gladly took the opportunity to ignore the rest of his work and focus on his brother instead. 

“What’re you-” Raph started, and then paused after he recognized the glint in Mikey’s eyes. 

Mikey just grinned and pulled a familiar bag up into Raph’s line of sight, dangling it a few inches above the table. 

It took mere seconds before Raph lunged for the bag, but Mikey had anticipated this, and danced further back, keeping the table between them. The little gremlin reached into the off color sack, and pulled out a stack of money.

“Jeez, how much do you even have in this?” Mikey asked, and yelped when Raph managed to get around the table. Once again, Mikey managed to avoid the hotheads fury. 

“Get back here!” Raph shouted after him as Mikey raced into another room. 

Leo sat in a chair in the living room, messing with a book and probably doing homework. Raph had to move to avoid him as he gave chase after Mikey. Then he dodged a rather tired looking Donnie, and sped up. They circled the house twice before Mikey slowed down some, and Raph was able to pin him down at the edge of the living room.

“Give it here!” He ordered, only half listening to Mikey’s rambles.

“-And you have car magazines and at *least* a few hundred in-”

Raph scowled, his patience coming to an end. He decided he had listened to the rambling long enough, and tried to grab the bag himself, but Mikey hugged it to his stomach and fended him off with his free arm.

“No you don’t.” Raph said, managing to grab Mikey’s wrist. “Now give it here-”

“Raph, just let him go already.” Leo sighed from the side, and Raph startled, losing his grip on Mikey. His young brother pushed away, and jumped up. Raph cursed briefly, not used to Leo being home that part of the day. 

Rather than replying, Raph focused his attention back on Mikey, who has already cleared half the room. Raph turned and caught him as Mikey came back around the corner a moment later, and grabbed the arm that was holding the bag. 

He grabbed at the bag, but Mikey had turned without Raph noticing, and when he jerked the his brother back, a loud crack echoed throughout the room. 

Raph froze as he felt the arm twist in his grip. It wasn’t the kind of twist that meant his captive was just trying to escape. It was under the skin. And coupled with the crack-

He cringed away as Mikey screamed, but he was close enough to feel the sudden quivering in his baby brothers limbs, and to hear the hitching in his breathing as he panicked. Blood pounded in his ears and the sound of the crack echoed in his mind.

He complied with whichever one of his brothers yanked him away from Mikey, and stared at his hand which had just been wrapped around his little brothers arm. 

Then all of his brothers were together. Donnie was pulling Mikey’s arm over, and Raph winced at the bawling. Leo settled by Mikey, between him and Raph. He dimly recognized the position as being defensive, and felt something awful gnaw at his chest. He closed his hand into a fist and pulled it back close to his body. When he peered up at Leo’s face, his expression was unreadable. Raph was bad at reading expressions at the best of times, and this situation didn’t help. 

He began to stand, but stopped, watching as Mikey scrambled backwards. Donnie shot him a glare, and was quick to help Mikey out of the house.

Leo lingered, looking at Raph as he remained on the floor, staring out the door after his brothers. 

“We’ll be back later, Raph. Just…” He said, and then went after the other two without finishing.

So Raph sat there, and stared at the bag that had been dropped. Anything inside was probably crumpled, if not ripped by now, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.


	2. Waiting and Waiting all for Nothing

They were gone for what felt like hours. After Raph had extracted himself from the floor, he took another shot at his homework, but found it futile to try and focus past the sick feeling curling deep within his stomach. 

Rather than taking advantage of the house being empty and inviting Casey over, or going ahead and eating like he usually would, he simply sat and watched the T.V., obsessively checking his phone for updates. Mikey tended to get upset at the three of them for spoiling dinner. Raph doubted he would be making it that night anyway, but he felt sick at the notion of making him upset, especially after what had just occurred. 

Nothing came. Nothing contacted him, and Raph didn’t know if it was some kind of revenge, or if they were just too busy. He doubted it was that bad. Mikey tended to overreact a lot. 

But the noise he had made after Raph twisted his arm…

He supposed he wouldn’t know, since dragging hour with no update, he texted Donnie. Then, after a moment of consideration, Leo. 

Leo was the only one to answer, sending a quick ‘not now’, while Donnie just left his message on read. 

So Raph sat staring at the show for a while. He had turned it on and it had defaulted to a channel he didn’t know, mid movie. He had listened to them confess their love or something for all of five minutes before he muted it. Then he sat in silence, waiting to be texted.

Eventually his phone dinged, and he perked. Maybe somebody was actually going to talk to him. Maybe Donnie had finally gotten over himself. Maybe-

Case: Yo. What’s up?

Case: Red’s been kinda down. I think Don mentioned something to her???

Raph went to type, ‘busy’, or blow him off somehow, before he started feeling sick, hyper aware of the fact that Leo had just pulled that on him. So he backspaced and tried again. 

Raph: Me an Mikey fought.

Case: Oh

Case: Shit man. You okay?

Raph: Better than Mikey.

Raph: Probably. It’s not like anybody will ducking answer me. 

Raph: Fucking

Case: Right. Don’t wanna talk about it?

Raph: Nah.

Case: We still on for Tuesday?

Raph: Hell yeah. 

Raph chatted with Casey for a few more minutes, before Casey went to talk to April to see if he could figure anything out. The feeling in his stomach hadn’t left, but he felt less anxious the longer he talked, lounged out on the couch. The worst part for the moment was that Donnie was apparently talking to other people, but ignoring him. Raph tried to ignore that fact. 

He sat thinking, and at some point he must have drifted off, because when he woke up, Leo was sitting in one of the chairs, staring at some papers. Raph watched him for a moment as he roused himself. It didn’t look like he was getting much done. 

When he sat up, Leo tensed and Raph frowned, thoughts going to Mikey. They were home, but he had seen enough T.V. to know that didn’t always mean much. 

“Is he-” Raph started, and then paused, unsure of how to continue. He wanted to ask if Mikey was mad. If Mikey was angry. If he was okay… But he couldn’t find how, or the right phrasing, or-

“Sure.” Leo sighed with finality, rubbing his face before looking back at his papers, clearly wanting to escape the conversation. That didn’t clarify much. 

“Leo, what the hell happened?” Raph asked, leaning forward and listening intently. 

“Nothing, Raph.” The eldest Hamato stated. He sounded so quiet. Raph hated it.

“It wasn’t nothing! You went to the goddamn hospital!” Well, Mikey had. But it was Raph’s fault. A quick glance at his phone showed that Casey hadn’t even texted him back yet. 

“Will you two please shut up?” Donnie interjected sharply, glancing in from the top of the stairs. 

“Sorry.” Leo sighed, drawing in on himself.

Raph didn’t get why it was a big deal, but quieted anyway. He hadn’t seen Mikey, and a glance at his phone told him that he’d been asleep for several hours. The ordeal had taken place at maybe 3 that afternoon. It was 8, and already dark outside. 

“Is he home?”

Leo didn’t answer, instead straightening his papers and standing up. 

“I’ll see you in the morning, Raph.” He said, and then swiftly left the room. Donnie had returned to wherever he had been. 

So Raph got up and followed up the stairs, peering around the corner. There wasn’t any light on in his and Mikey’s shared room, and sure enough when he opened the door, there was nobody inside when he opened it. 

Upon further inspection however, some things from Mikey’s ‘side’ of the room were missing. He flipped on the light and glanced around. His charger and backpack were both gone, along with some other stuff out of place that he couldn’t name. It just… Felt wrong.

On a hunch, he went to Donnie and Leo’s room, and heard muffled voices on the other end. Specifically Donnie’s voice. 

“You’ll let me know if you-” Raph managed to hear as he crept closer. “-Don’t worry about that.”

Raph tried to listen in on more, confused, but didn’t hear a response to whatever Donnie had voiced. 

Instead, he heard a creak in the floor behind him, and forced himself not to jump. 

Raph turned to face Leo, who apparently was not who Donnie was speaking to. 

“Were you looking for something?” Leo asked tiredly. 

Raph just scowled, not answering as he went to storm past. Leo caught his arm and watched him for a moment. 

“He’s back. Don’t bother him, okay? Just for a while.”

And if the almost pleading tone Leo used wasn’t enough to convince him, the sudden crying he heard through the door did. So he pulled away from Leo, and kept walking. 

At least Mikey was home.


	3. The Honey-I-Skipped-Breakfast-Again Club

Waking up to an empty room was typical enough. Mikey was always the first one up to cook or make breakfast. The only person up nearly as early as him was Leo. Not even Splinter was up that early when he wasn’t needed for a business trip or checking in on them.

Raph didn’t know how they could do it however, and had a tendency to sleep as late as possible without being late for school. Sometimes he just went back to sleep and risked that as well. It was Sunday though, and from what he could remember off the top of his head, he didn’t have any obligations that day. Mikey still liked to wake them up for breakfast though, and when he looked at the clock, Raph realized that it was way past the time he usually had them awake. 

The only thing urging him to get up was the gnawing hunger in his stomach. He lingered in bed for a few more minutes, wondering why he had been left asleep, before the weight of Friday’s events crashed into his mind like a speeding car. He had hurt… Right.

Raph no longer felt hungry, turning onto his side and grabbing his phone rather than pondering his food options. Hopefully there would be something to help him distract himself. 

Sure enough, Casey had texted him somewhere after midnight. Typically, he was up late enough to respond but…

Glancing through the messages didn’t alleviate his guilt, but at least he would know something before going downstairs. 

Case: Hey.

Case: I found some stuff.

Case: Yo?

Case: Did you dip out on me?

Case: Fine. I’ll tell you in the morning. 

Raph took his time reading them over. He hated the fact that Casey didn’t just tell him. The hockey player was probably up to something, but Raph couldn’t find it in himself to give the matter more than an annoyed thought and a curse before he messages his friend back. 

Raph: It’s morning.

Case: Dude.

Case: Past morning

Raph: It’s only like 10.

He glanced at the clock. It was closer to 11, but who cared.

Case: Yeah. Ur usually up before that. What gives?

Case: I thought I’d have to march my ass over there or something. 

Raph: Nah. I was just asleep.

Raph: Which btw I don’t think you did. Don’t you have a game?

Case: It got moved back.

Case: Again.

Case: Anyway uh

Raph: What’d you figure out?

Case: Nothing fun. Donnie said it was a broken arm.

Case: Twisted wrong or something near the elbow?

Raph sucked in a breath. That was worse that he’d thought.

Case: Don was kinda freaking out, not gonna lie.

Case: I had to wire in April. She’s our resident nerd translator anyway.

Raph: Yeah.

Case: What sorta

Raph waited for him to finish, but he didn’t.

Raph: ???

Case: Nvm. Wanna meet up?

The hothead pondered over the message. Did he?

Raph: You know what? Yeah. Anything to get out of the house. 

He laid back with a tired sigh, glancing back at his phone when Casey sent the location. Then he got up and finally got dressed for the day, putting off going downstairs for as long as possible, which unfortunately, was not very long. 

Casey hadn’t asked yet- or maybe that’s what he had been meaning to do during the conversation -but Raph was pretty sure Donnie would have mentioned the fight to him. They were pretty talkative for people who supposedly hated each other. 

That meant April might know that he’d broken his baby brothers arm. Them not knowing was… Awful, but them knowing was just as bad. Or maybe worse. Thinking about it made his head hurt.

When he walked downstairs it didn’t smell like cooking, or even coffee, like it usually did in the mornings. It didn’t even smell like anybody had cooked, and since Mikey was apparently out of commission, maybe they actually hadn’t. Donnie was still hesitant to even let Leo use the toaster by himself, which begged the question of what Raph was going to eat. Scrounging sucked, but he had already missed two meals and he should’ve been damn hungry.

Yet he wasn’t. The pit in his stomach had grown with every step he took down the stairs. The house was too quiet, and the idea of food wasn’t anywhere near as appetizing as it should have been.

When he finally got down, Leo was once again sitting on the couch, which had a blanket draped across it. Raph paused for a moment, trying to make sense of why it was there, before being broken out of his thoughts by Donnie entering the room, staring down at his phone distractedly. Three bets on who he was messaging. 

“Hey Leo, have you-” He started, and then paused when he noticed Raph, who frowned at the abrupt cutoff. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Leo look up. 

“What?” Raph antagonized, and Donnie glanced away. “You ain’t gonna finish?”

He stepped closer to his nerdy middle brother with no real plan in mind, before Leo got up and stepped in between them. Donnie edged away slowly, and Raph paused, frowning. 

“What do you think I;m gonna do? Hurt him?” He challenged, glaring at Leo. His eldest brother simply looked at him for a moment before sighing.

“Yes?”

Raph clenched his fists, and the feeling in his gut felt so much lighter when it was just anger coursing through him. His hands felt hot and his teeth clenched and he needed to do something.

But it would just prove Leo’s point.

So he turned on his heel and made for the door, barreling into Mikey, who chose just that moment to peak around the corner. The kid fell back, and then scrambled away with a panicked noise. Raph opened his mouth to… Yell?

But the look on Mikey’s face was too much. He couldn’t even find it in himself to help his brother up. He could make it worse.

So he headed to his original goal, the exit, and passed by the car he’d forgotten to grab the keys for in all his haste.

Going inside to grab them would be admitting defeat. And it would risk him facing his crying baby brother again.

He’d just walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. I'll have another one out soon. Plz tell me if you see errors I may have messed up on the tense at some point.


	4. Dumpster Delinquents

Raph finally arrived at the rendezvous, a busy mall with plenty of cars and busy people who wouldn’t care about two teens loitering, and managed to find Casey lounging on top of a car that most definitely did not belong to him. 

“Hey, where’s your ride?” Casey sat up, putting his shoes on the windshield. “I guess that explains why you took forever, though.”

“Oh shut up. I just forgot the keys is all.” Raph huffed, and eyed some crying kid in the parking lot a few rows over. 

“And you didn’t… I dunno, go back and get them?” Casey jumped down and waved for Raph to follow him. 

“No.” Raph said gruffly, falling into step with his friend as they walked towards the edge of one of the buildings. 

They were built in such a way that there was an alley between every few of them, probably for shipments or something. It was bothersome later at night when stores were shutting down and other people were actually out in them, but during the day, the old dumpster full of clothes and cans served them well enough. 

“Fair enough.” Casey agree, glancing at his phone. Raph figured that he was texting either Donnie or April. Either one was equally likely. “How's Mikey holding up?”

“Wouldn't know.” Raph answered, trying to brush off the question. He did his best to ignore any thoughts of that morning. He couldn't even remember if he had knocked Mikey down, or if he had simply bumped into him. If he had knocked him over, it could've made his arm worse-and yeah. This was definitely how Donnie must've felt on a daily basis. 

“Why not?” Casey asked, though he didn't get anything other than a murderous glare as an answer. He wisely dropped the subject there. 

They sat in silence for several minutes, which Raph was fine with. The outside chatter and muffled clanging from inside the buildings was enough to satisfy him, but Casey looked much more uncomfortable and twitchy when they weren't actively having a conversation.

“... You got your game moved?” Raph finally questioned, wary of the way Casey had begun eyeing the hockey stick. They had gotten kicked out of the mall last time he was bored, when he made a game of hitting trash at the wall. The person who had come out to see what was going on was not pleased. At all.

Not that Raph had dissuaded him from the activity. Far from it, even. He was just lucky that Leo hadn't caught wind of that particular outing. 

“Yeah! For like the fifth time actually.” Casey exclaimed, and Raph both hadn't payed enough attention, and didn't care enough to figure out if he was exaggerating or not. Knowing the nearby sports teams, it was probably fairly accurate. If Raph was just biased from his own time on a sports team in that area, it just meant he had enough experience to know he was right. 

“For a school that cares so much about sports, they don't do nothin' when they get rained out.”

“Hockey can't be rained out.” Casey snorted, obviously amused. “You were the one in football.” 

“Which can be rained out, and was. Why the hell did it get moved, then?”

“Scheduling errors I think? They can't keep their schools straight and whenever we're supposed to have the arena, we show up for warm ups and somebody else is there. We don't even get notified! It's been forever since I kicked somebodies-” Casey rambled, and cut himself off as a kid peered down the strip. 

They stepped in a few steps before their supposed mother grabbed their arm and yanked them towards a store. Trailing after was some kid that Raph vaguely recognized from school. 

They watched for a moment, distracted, before Casey broke the silence. 

“Anyway. School, right?”

“Yeah.” Raph agreed.

A motorcycle revved distantly, and Casey grinned. 

“Hey, how close are you to one of those?” He asked, and Raph suddenly remembered the bag of cash Mikey had held in the kitchen. It felt like it had happened days ago, and really it'd probably been a day or so, but Raph wanted to be away from the thought for as long as possible.

Raph ignored Casey, jumping off of the dumpster and stalking down the alley towards the entrance as his friend called for him. When his arm was grabbed, and Casey made some noises of protest, the other body seemed way too close and his anger way too intense. He turned and shoved Casey back as hard as he could.

But the anger was at himself, and he wanted distance from both himself and anybody he could hurt like he had hurt Mikey. When he realized that Casey was on the ground, his stomach dropped, and he felt sick. Usually the action was more normal between them, shoves and punches on the arm-like in movies-but it was so close to Mikey...

Dimly, Raph realized that however sick he felt, he probably couldn't throw anything up because of how empty his stomach was. Then he made a note to grab something later if he felt up to it. 

Raph froze, yanking himself out of his thoughts as Casey groaned, and blinked dumbly when he was suddenly back on his feet and in front of him. 

“You look totally out of it, dude. You forget I'm in hockey. I've taken worse than what you could do.” He bragged, irritatingly, and in his face. Then Casey moved out of the way before Raph could even think to do anything.

Not that he was going to. Probably.

He didn't know anymore. 

“Not that you don't pack a punch but uh-Look. You did something like that to Mikey too, right?” Casey waited a moment for Raph to nod before he barreled on. “You've been all freaky lately. Ever since uh... You know.”

“I messed up.” Raph sighed tiredly. Casey only shrugged. 

“Wanna talk, or do you wanna fight a bit? Work off some energy. You know.”

“Neither.” Raph stated firmly. He felt too tingly. Like if he sparred or fought or whatever Casey was suggesting, he would do something worse than breaking an arm. He doubled it, Casey would be expecting it. But still.

Mikey hadn't expected it.

Mikey probably didn't ever expect Raph to...

He quickly cut off that train of thought, and focused back on what Casey was saying.

“-Right? Okay. Wanna go by McDonald's?”

“... Why the hell not?”


	5. Of Siblings and Apologies

As cliché as it was, Raph found that he felt better after the greasy meal of fries and a burger. Freaking out on an empty stomach had been stupid anyway. 

So after he told Casey to mind his own business and departed from his company, Raph made his way back to his house, once again on foot. The walk didn’t feel as long as it had to the mall, though that could have been because Raph had grabbed an extra bag of fries for the trip. 

Despite this, and despite the fact that he was in much better spirits than before, without Casey’s inane chatter, he went right back to thinking about his little brother. It’s not like he had ever stopped thinking about it, but it hurt to be focused on the memory of Mikey’s face, etched with a brief flash of horror. 

When Raph arrived at the house, he took a moment to just stand outside, dreading whatever was going to meet him behind the door.

Leo would be off to his job by now, flirting with the waitress or something, but Donnie and Mikey didn’t have any reasons to be out of the house, unless Donnier had another ‘study session’ with April. 

After a moment of thinking, and then a moment after that in which he lost his train of thought, Raph made his way inside, and the smell of cooking hit him the moment he opened the door. 

That meant Mikey was in the kitchen,

He tried walking past, but had to pass by the doorway to the kitchen to get to the stairs, and unfortunately, he was noticed. 

“Raph?” Mikey asked, and his voice was wavering slightly, like he was upset. None of his elder brothers could resist (or perfect) the sad lilt, a fact that Mikey knew and weaponized extensively. 

Raph paused, just past the door, staring at the stairs. “... Yeah?”

There was a short pause, and then some shuffling before he was hit in the back by Mikey bombarding him with a one-armed hug. 

“It’s okay,” Mikey declared, moving around to look at him. Raph glanced at his younger brother, confused and on edge. 

“It’s-?”

“I know. You’re upset too. Everybody is. I accept your unspoken apology!” Mikey stated, elated, before he paused briefly, giving him a wide eyed look. “You were gonna apologize eventually though, right?”  
“Oh. Yeah,” Raph nodded guiltily. He had been more concerned about avoiding Mikey if he were honest, but he liked to think that he would have been able to apologize at some point without it being from Leo breathing down his neck. 

After another moment, Mikey stepped away, seemingly unaware of how tense his brother was. Raph began to move towards the stairs, before he stopped, and looked back at his grinning baby brother. 

“... Weren’t you pretty freaked out this morning?” He finally asked. “And last night?”

“Yeah…” Mikey said slowly, rubbing his cast and blinking at him. He was no longer smiling, but he didn’t seem upset. “I was. But it doesn’t help anything. I was upset that you did it, mostly. Plus it hurt, but Donnie and Leo are upset at you enough already so…”

Raph nodded, feeling horrible as he stepped towards the stairs again. He heard Mikey skitter after him, but he refused to stop this time, heading towards his room. 

“-Why’d you do it?” Mikey asked once they were at the top. 

“I don’t know.”

“Well you gotta have at least some idea,” Mikey muffed, and then gasped. “Were you possessed?”

“I wasn’t-” Raph began to protest, confused as to where he had even gotten this idea, but Mikey cut him off, continuing his train of thought. 

“You were weren’t you?!? That’s so cool! I-”

“Shut up!” Raph snapped, turning to him. “I wasn’t possessed, I was just pissed that you wouldn’t put the bag down!”

Mikey deflated, watching him. “... I was kidding. Why was the money so important anyway?”

A pause.

“What’s it for?”

Raph glanced away, suddenly feeling stupid. “A bike. Casey and I ‘ave been sort of saving up so we can get one. Even a cheap one to fix up or somethin’...”

When Mikey didn’t say anything, he continued on. 

“You know Leo’d never actually…” He paused, searching for the word before giving up and settling for something easier. “He’d never actually let me get one. He’s too much of a mother hen. I wanted one but I didn’t think I’d ever get enough but now…”

“Oh,” Mikey murmured, and nodded. “I don’t think it’s worth a broken arm or anything-” Raph flinched. “-But I’m sorry. I didn’t think you’d have anything important in there. Maybe like porn magazines or something.”

“Those are gross.” raph stated, annoyed. The money was his private stuff. But he turned and accepted Mikey’s hug anyway. He felt relieved that he didn’t have to worry about the pent up guilt. 

Unless Leo asked about the money. 

Raph did still have to deal with his other brothers after all. 

“So you don’t…” Raph started, glancing at Mikey’s cast. “Hate me or anything for that?”

Mikey hummed thoughtfully before answering. “You’ve done worse.”

That shockingly didn’t make him feel any better. 

“Mikey-”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, Raphie,” Mikey stated, grinning. And for once, Raph didn’t even grumble at him for using the nickname. 

It’d be fine.


End file.
